I know that some bad things can happen in my life, but for me it seems like when they occur it always happens like a waterfall. The weirdest part is that I felt anxious and upset before it happened like I knew it would come this week. Then, this week as all these events seem to fall on my head like water falling down from a cliff, I felt like I couldn’t do anything about it and I couldn’t control it. Instead, I acted like someone standing underneath a showerhead and I let the water fall on me.
The worst one yesterday was my mother’s passing, but I think I feel exactly the way that I thought I would. No relief, no anger, no loss. I don’t really feel anything at all. I lost her a long time ago. I don’t know if many people will understand that, but does it really matter?
The worst one today was having to do a colonoscopy with a migraine. I think I did okay. At one point, I had to hear a lot of noise while I waited for them to take me back. It sounded like thirty conversations were all going around me at once. It was awful. I just covered my ears with the pillow and remembered that it wouldn’t last forever.
I am noticing that I can tolerate those things that cause me anxiety a little better some of time because of the idea that God is with me, and they won’t last forever. I am very happy to say that I got through this colonoscopy with out anti-anxiety drugs. I just didn’t take them. It is the first time for me to do that. God make it possible.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
