One of my in-laws passed away today. It still is sinking in. There’s this amazing person that has been in my life for over twenty years, who has loved me unconditionally, and I’m never going to see him again. There’s a tightness in my chest like something is missing and I know that I feel the loss.
There’s all these things I know about death. I know that it hurts now because of the love that existed during his lifetime. It’s part of the deal. If I didn’t love him, it wouldn’t hurt. I know that even though his spirit has left his body, he’s still around. He’s all around us in so many different ways. His love lives on in our hearts and memories. His spirit still exists and I know that he is with God and with the entire universe somehow. I know and believe that with all my heart.
Yet, all these things that I know don’t change how I feel. I feel very sad and upset because I don’t want to lose him. I know his suffering is over, but I hoped that somehow he might survive this illness and be able to be with us longer. I know that all though he is with God, there are so many here who will miss him and feel a loss in their lives without him.
The only thing I know to do now and this time is to take that horrible tightness in my chest that feels like a huge gapping hole and try to live with the pain until God guides me to the next part of the journey. And I try to continue on, I will hurt and grieve. I will stumble and fall, but I will have faith that I can endure with God’s help. I have faith that one day I will be able to remember him and even though it will always hurt a little, I will be able to smile and be thankful for his life and all the love he shared. May God help me and my family get to the day safe and sound.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
