I keep thinking about my post from yesterday. I don’t know what to pray for and it is putting my faith to the test. Then today, I started to think about how I felt when I was in my twenties. I didn’t want to live, but I didn’t want to kill myself. I didn’t think I could make that decision. I knew that only God knows when I should live and when I should die. I know now that God had different plans for me and I just had to trust in Him. I am happy that I did.
I know deep inside that when I don’t know the way, faith is the answer. Sometimes in life emotions and other things get in the way and it gets extremely difficult to see the path. Sometimes, I find myself so deeply inside of myself that I just can even see the path. That happens a lot when I am having a panic attack. At those times, when the path seems to disappear or leads to a dead end, that’s when I find I need to trust in God the most.
My idea of this universal connection might seem like a great idea and it helps me understand many things, but for me I can’t let go of my idea of God, the father and creator. I need Him and I need prayer. It doesn’t change who God is for any of us or for me for that matter, but when I pray it changes me. I pray and I express my love for God and how thankful I am. I express my difficulties with faith and ask for help. I also talk to God about my journey and I have the time to recommit myself to the idea that God has a plan for all of us and I am choosing His will and not my own. Faith is a struggle. I have to choose it every day, but I believe it is worth my life.
My faith saved me. My God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
