I was driving to the grocery store. A song from when I was in college came on the radio. For a moment, I felt like I was transported to a different time in my life and yet I was still right there on the road going to the grocery store. I felt a strong feeling of connection and love to what felt like countless souls near to me. Then, the feeling was gone. I looked up at the sky and said out loud, “Are you trying to tell me something?”.
Yesterday, I remembered hoping that one day I could feel the connection to all the other souls on the earth and know that feeling of love with all of them. Today, I think God might have been telling me that although it would be a wonderful gift, it might also be a curse at the same time. Just a small taste of that feeling is amazing, but if it were amplified by a billion? It makes me think of the statue of St Theresa in ecstasy. The expression on her face could be ultimate pleasure, but it could also be ultimate pain.
I just realized why it is better for me to wait for the right time to experience things. God transcends dualities. He transcends male and female, love and hate, good and evil. Those are easy ones. However, there’s also something that transcends pleasure and pain, calm and panic, etc. I don’t think I am ready for that just yet. In whatever plane of existence God is, I know I don’t need to be afraid, but while I am still here, I don’t mind being bound by the physical world. Having glimpses of the beyond is enough for now. I want to live and experience my gift of life for I am very thankful for all God has given me.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
