I went out yesterday to go get my new glasses and when I did, I was approached by two kids who wanted me to make some sort of donation in the parking lot, I thanked them but just got in my car. I want to be a person who is generous, but at that moment, I was feeling paranoid and my hands were already shaking from all the anxiety I was feeling. I knew that I had to take care of myself first before I tried to take care of anyone else. It’s like when the cabin depressurizes in an airplane. I had to put my oxygen mask on first before I did it for anyone else.
However, I have been putting it out into the universe that I want to reach out to others and help them. I want to be more than just sitting afraid in my house because I know that I can give others the love that God has shown me. I’m trying, but I notice that when the opportunities arise, I am so good at being paranoid and afraid. I talk myself out of it so easily. It’s like I am in a flood, trapped by anxiety and paranoia. God sends a boat, a yacht, and a helicopter, and instead of just getting on and going to safety, I convince myself that I am afraid of sailing and flying. Today, I realized that I need to just take those opportunities when God hands them to me. Take those little baby steps even when they scare the hell out of me and I know I am going to fall and make mistakes. I know I should do it because it is in His plan and come what may He will be with me and help me get through it all.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
