My husband and I went to go see a movie this weekend. As much as I love going to see movies, we haven’t been going to see movies as much as we used to before the pandemic. They are very expensive, and we can usually see them later on the streaming services just a few months after they come out. However, sometimes it is fun to go see a movie.
When we went this weekend, I was very aware of how much other people made me nervous. I went to the restroom before the movie started and a woman came in after I did and she chose the stall right next to mine. Her choice bothered me because there were plenty of other unoccupied stalls. I couldn’t understand why she had to choose the stall right next to the only other occupied stall in the entire restroom. I was more irritated knowing that she probably didn’t even think about it. Yet with my OCD, here I am four days later still reliving the moment.
I never thought about it until after the pandemic, but going to the movies made me nervous. Part of it the problem is the sensory overload. Sitting in the theater, there’s loud noises and bright lights. I know for some people that’s fun, but for me sometimes it just feels overwhelming. Then, along with that there’s people who can talk and be loud and unpredictable. It’s scary for me. As much as I love going to see the stories and enjoy the immersive experience, it is also an overwhelming sensory overload that makes me feel very nervous. I forgot to mention the other part…people love to eat popcorn at the movies. I hate popcorn. It isn’t fun for me to sit in a theater and smell popcorn. I think I could die a happy woman if I don’t ever have to taste popcorn again in my life. I spent too many years trying to like it because my mom told me people would make fun of me if I didn’t like popcorn.
I guess there’s a balance here that I have to learn. Everything can’t be perfect. I can’t expect everyone to cater to me or know my preferences. I can’t hide from the world just because I am a sensitive person. I must learn patience and understanding. First, for myself, I have to learn that I am sensitive. I need to accept and love myself for that. Then, I need to face those overwhelming situations and know that God will help me get through them. And as I face them, I am going to encounter my brothers and sisters in Christ. That’s where the second part comes in. Second, for others, I have to learn that they aren’t there to know my thoughts, wants, and needs. They don’t know how I am feeling. They probably don’t even notice me. That’s okay. I notice them. I can show them love, patience, and understanding just as I try to show it to myself. That’s what God has been asking me to do and although I fall short all the time, but I am going to keep trying to do it. Hopefully, some days, I will get it right.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
