I have been thinking about control today. I believe that one of the things that scares people more than anything else is when they feel like they aren’t in control of their own lives. I know at the very heart of it that is why I have OCD. Someone tried to control every aspect of my life, I felt helpless, powerless, and out of control. When there’s an obsessive thought or compulsion, there’s an aspect of control or not being able to control there. It almost feels familiar in some ways.
The weirdest thing about wanting to control anything is that it is an illusion. I don’t know what’s real or not. This reality could be one big virtual reality game; there’s no way to really tell. However, I don’t really think it matters. What matters most to me is the one true thing that I have that can’t be taken away from me. No matter what reality this is, no matter what control I have, I have my faith. It is a unique amazing thing that exists outside of given reality. It makes my life a miracle. The best part is my faith allows me to understand that control is an illusion. God’s in charge and as much as I would want to shape the world to my wants it just isn’t going to ever be that way. So, instead of worrying, I just need to surrender, let go of all those ideas of how I think the world should be and be thankful instead for the world I have been given.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
