I saw something that made me think about my childhood. My mother was very controlling and unpredictable. After a while, I got to the point where I just wanted to be invisible. I didn’t want anyone to see me or hear me. The main reason was if she noticed me, then she would try to control me or if she noticed me then she might get upset with me for any number of wacky reasons. If I was invisible, then it was easier.
The strange thing is I understood it at such a young age, I knew to do it before I could even explain it to myself or anyone else. Here I was this kid who barely spoke or showed any emotion and would freak out at the tiniest thing. I didn’t understand why, but today I do. I didn’t want anyone to see me. I didn’t want her to ever really see me. The ironic part is that no matter what I did or said, she would have never really seen the real me anyway; she was incapable of it.
The miracle of love is that someone does see the real you. My husband knows me better than anyone else in this world. But the most amazing thing to me is that I feel safe in that knowledge. I know that he accepts me as I am. He loves me as I am. That’s an amazing thing.
With God, it is even better. He knows me more than I know myself. I could never be invisible with God even if I wanted to try. He will always see me and know me. I can’t hide from Him. And He will always accept me as I am because He made me perfectly. Even when I am feeling down on myself, I can always know that God is on my side. In this world that can be so harsh and such a struggle, I feel so blessed to know that I am loved and will be accepted.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
