I’ve been thinking about having trust in myself and then I starting to think about my faith in God. Here’s the interesting thing about faith. There’s blind faith, but not without a struggle. What I mean is that faith is something I feel, and it exists beyond reason. It isn’t something that I can prove, and it isn’t something that someone can convince me that it isn’t real. At the same time, I struggle with faith all the time. I have doubts. I have questions. My faith isn’t stagnant. It is constantly growing and changing. And while my faith might be blind that doesn’t mean that I don’t ask questions and try to understand God.
The worst type of blind faith for me is when people are doing things out of faith that go against who they are and they don’t ask any questions. Even if Jesus Christ himself stood before me, if he asked me to do something that was truly against who I am, then I would be asking questions and struggling with His command.
That brings me to faith in myself. Last night I tried to submit some of my work to be published. I know I am a good writer and eventually I will get published somehow, but realistically, I also know that I’ll get rejected several times before I get published. All writers do. I have accepted that and it’s okay. I just struggle with the whole having faith in myself. God says if I have faith the size of a mustard seed, I can make miracles happen. So, if those miracles don’t happen, is there something wrong with me? I don’t think that’s how it works. I think I am supposed to have faith in myself, but I am supposed to struggle with it, too. I should have questions and doubts because if I didn’t, then I wouldn’t have any motivation to keep growing and changing as a person. I wouldn’t keep trying to be the person God sees when He looks down at me from Heaven, even though I know I’ll never get there. And whether miracles happen or not doesn’t really matter because I don’t need miracles to happen. The miracle is my life.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
