The one aspect of faith that I struggle with is fellowship. I just don’t connect well with other people because I don’t feel a sense of belonging to the human race sometimes. I love my brothers and sisters in Christ. I understand God’s commandment to love them. However, between my paranoid thoughts and my not understanding human behavior, relating to other people will always be a struggle for me.
Just yesterday, I tried to relate an experience to some people, and I just gave up because it felt like no one cared or no one understood. I feel like that happens to me all the time. There’s the really profound amazing experience or thought, but when I share it with someone else, they stare at me like I am speaking another language. And maybe I am.
The only person who really seems to get me is my husband. When I explained to him how much I hate noses, he smiles knowingly. I told him yesterday that I thought we would look so much better if we had something more like a bird’s shallow bird’s beak instead of a nose. He didn’t look at me like I was crazy. He smiled at me because he knows that my ideal between isn’t Irdis Elba, its Lord Valdemort.
The best part of that is my husband is show me God’s love. I may not be like all the other humans. I might go to the left when the rest go to the right, but he accepts and loves me exactly as I am. And I guess that’s the key to my struggle. The rest of the humans aren’t ever going to be like me, but I can accept them and love them exactly as they are, just like I would want them to love me, just like God loves them.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
