I am having a very difficult time between my OCD and a worst-case scenario thought. Last night, I was lying in bed with my husband watching TV. Then, for some reason, I thought what it would feel like, look like, and be like if an intruder just walked into our bedroom unannounced. For just a few seconds, whatever came to my head didn’t just seem like a hypothetical idea, it seemed to really happen, almost like a waking dream. I felt all my muscles tense and my heart literally skipped a beat. It began to race with the adrenaline rush from the fear of seeing the intruder. It only lasted a few seconds, but it’s been on my mind ever since.
The feeling of intrusion in my personal space keeps running over and over again in my mind like a record getting stuck and playing the same note over again. I’d like to think I would be able to handle something like that, but I know that no one knows what they would do in that situation. My parents wanted me to spend my life preparing for situations like that. As my Dad always put it, “Expect the unexpected.” I can’t live that way. I never could.
If someone wants to break into my house, then they are going to. I can’t control what someone else is going to do. I’ve done what is reasonable to protect myself and my family. Now, I just have to leave the rest up to God. And if evil should fall upon me, I won’t hate God or feel like He let me down somehow. I’ll know that He is going to help me get through it somehow. I’ll have faith in His plan for me. That’s the deal I made with Him. So, I try to let go of this feeling and this thought, because I know it’s just my OCD rearing it’s crazy head.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
