I’d rather have panic attacks on a regular basis than only get them every once in a while. I know that sounds crazy, but there’s a good reason. If I have panic attacks regularly, then I get used to them. I know what’s coming. I know what to expect. If I only get one panic attack a year, then when it comes, I’ve forgotten what it feels like and it feels even more overwhelming because it is like having one for the first time all over again.
I can say that because overnight and most of today I ran a fever. I haven’t had a fever in over twelve years. It really felt like having a fever for the first time all over again. I felt bad. I didn’t want to get up or move. I hated the way it felt. However, there was one overriding feeling, I knew I was going to be alright. I knew that no matter what happened, God was on my side. I didn’t worry about work. I didn’t worry about anything. I just let myself fall into his arms and I relaxed knowing that at some point the fever would break and until then I could rest.
In all of my life, I have never felt so relaxed in my being ill before. I always wanted to push myself and force myself to not be sick. This time, I just accepted it and gave it to God. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I know that I will be able to face it. Not because I am strong, but because God will be strong for me.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
